Comment peut-on frapper une femme ? Pourquoi tant d’hommes lèvent-ils la main ou le poing sur leur femme ? Que se passe-t-il dans leur tête à ce moment-là ? Témoignages d’hommes violents et réponses du psychanalyste Alain Legrand.
5 min de lecture
L’émotion soulevée par la mort de Marie Trintignant a permis à nouveau de rompre le silence qui entoure souvent les violences contre les femmes. Selon une enquête nationale1, une femme sur dix en France est victime d’agressions physiques, psychologiques ou morales au sein de son couple. Comment et pourquoi celui qui aime se transforme-t-il en bourreau ? Nous avons interrogé Alain Legrand, psychologue et psychanalyste, responsable du centre SOS violences familiales à Paris, qui reçoit les auteurs de violences familiales et conjugales.
Psychologies : Pouvez-vous nous expliquer le processus qui fait qu’à un moment donné dans le conflit, les gestes remplacent les mots ?
Alain Legrand : Dans beaucoup de conflits, les mots accompagnent les coups. Les mots traduisent, dans leur choix et leur intonation, les idées et les motivations qui dominent le psychisme à ce moment-là : la faire taire, la tuer, la traiter de… On croit qu’on frappe parce qu’on n’a plus de mots. Ce n’est pas tout à fait exact. La violence n’est pas d’abord un problème de communication, mais plutôt un problème de contrôle et de gestion des affects : émotions, sentiments, pulsions ou impulsions. On ne trouve plus les mots, parce que les pensées s’emmêlent, deviennent confuses.
Le corps est également sous tension et tout se passe comme si, victime d’une attaque, on risquait de vous détruire. A ce moment-là, on peut ressentir un sentiment d’impuissance, d’anéantissement, de violence intérieure insupportable. On ne supporte pas que l’autre continue à parler ou à se taire, alors que l’on éprouve de tels sentiments et que l’on pense qu’« elle » en est responsable. Le coup part pour arrêter « ça », pour faire taire ce qui est vécu comme une agression.
Avant la gifle, y a-t-il des formes de violence dans la relation ?
Je ne connais pas de cas où il n’y a pas eu, avant, ne serait-ce que des mots, des scènes, une tension sous-jacente… Une situation où la violence physique peut surgir sans qu’il y ait eu de précédents est celle où l’homme découvre sa femme en train de le tromper.
Comment expliquez-vous l’irruption de la violence dans un couple épanoui, plutôt sain ?
Pour moi, une gifle ne peut pas arriver subitement, un jour, dans un couple sain. Il y a forcément une problématique derrière qui a conduit à ce passage à l’acte. Cela ne signifie pas qu’il y aura systématiquement à nouveau des violences physiques, mais il y a de grandes chances que ça advienne si rien n’est dit et posé fermement après cet acte.
Justement, comment réagir pour que ça ne recommence pas ?
La victime doit dire et penser : « La prochaine fois, on ne discute pas, c’est la séparation. » Il faut poser cette limite comme condition à la poursuite de la relation. Sinon, ça recommencera.
Les hommes, après avoir frappé, disent se sentir coupables, honteux. C’est d’ailleurs souvent ce qui empêche leur partenaire de les quitter. Sont-ils sincères ?
Il s’agit plus de honte que de culpabilité. Dans la honte, ce qui se joue concerne surtout le narcissisme, le regard sur soi. Dans la culpabilité, au contraire, on se sent responsable de ce qu’on a infligé à l’autre. Dans bien des cas, ces remords exprimés sont sincères, mais la sincérité n’est pas un gage de cessation des comportements violents. Et tous les auteurs de violences ne se sentent pas coupables ou honteux après leurs actes.
Souvent, les hommes qui frappent se justifient en disant : “Elle m’a poussée à bout” ; qu’est-ce que ça veut dire ?
La véritable question c’est : « Au bout de quoi ? » Pour faire court, on peut dire qu’au bout, c’est l’inconscient. La violence est presque toujours liée à des blessures d’amour-propre, son utilisation est un moyen de reprendre le contrôle sur les événements. Dans ces blessures, il existe des troubles de l’estime de soi, le plus souvent dus à différentes formes de maltraitances dans l’enfance : un père dévalorisant, dur et autoritaire en est l’exemple type. C’est l’enfance qui resurgit alors dans ces situations et vient augmenter la tension éprouvée. Bien entendu, ceci n’est qu’un pan de l’explication.
Un autre argument émerge : “Elle a commencé la première…”
Quelle que soit de la réalité, c’est un argument qui reste dans le domaine de l’infantile. Il peut expliquer la colère ou « la légitime défense », mais pas la décision de résoudre le conflit par l’usage de la force. Et puis, si « elle » commence toujours la première, si « elle » est aussi agressive, aussi humiliante, pourquoi n’arrive-t-il pas à la quitter, à s’en séparer ? Toutes ces questions font, bien sûr, l’objet du travail thérapeutique.
On avance aussi l’explication du “passionnel”.
La passion est violence en elle-même, mais c’est ce que nous sommes qui déterminera si elle peut ou non se traduire par des actes de violence. En général, dans la passion, on n’est pas dans le registre du désir mais dans celui du besoin, du vital. L’autre est un « objet » dont on ne peut se passer sous peine de devoir faire face à un terrible sentiment d’angoisse et de vide. Lorsqu’il existe une faille narcissique, cette dépendance est conflictuelle, car l’autre nous rappelle, par sa simple présence, que nous dépendons de lui pour vivre. Dans les situations de crise sont alors réactivées des choses très sensibles de l’ordre de l’abandon et d’autres angoisses originaires, ce qui déchaîne la violence.
L’homme violent a-t-il envie de tuer ?
Il y a plusieurs façons de penser le meurtre de l’autre. Nous avons tous fantasmé un meurtre. Vous pouvez avoir envie de tuer sans pour autant le faire. Alors oui, l’homme violent a sûrement, parfois, des envies de tuer. Mais, ce qui sera déterminant, c’est la personnalité de cet homme et l’interprétation qu’il fera de ce qu’il vit à ce moment de tension extrême.
Y a-t-il des signes ou des profils de personnalités qui devraient mettre en éveil ?
Il y a des signes, bien sûr, comme la jalousie inappropriée, qui correspond à de la possessivité. Ainsi faut-il faire attention aux hommes qui fouillent dans votre sac, écoutent vos messages, font la tête dès que vous regardez quelqu’un… Là, il faut partir parce que, tôt ou tard, la violence surgira. Le caractère paranoïaque est une autre caractéristique assez fréquente. Y domine, en particulier, la méfiance, le dédain, un certain plaisir à humilier les autres, une rancune tenace.
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Вывел небольшую сумму — пришло примерно за день. Минималка на вывод 500 рублей — адекватно. Visa, Mastercard, СБП, Sky Pay, крипта — большинство методов закрыто.
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Online Tobacco Sales in Australia: Between Health Warnings and « Cheap » Cigarettes
An online service has emerged offering Australian residents the option to buy tobacco products with delivery to their door. The website, which operates under the name Australia Tobacconist Hub, is full of mixed messages: heavy promotion of budget tobacco products alongside formal warnings about the dangers of smoking.
Available Items
The platform’s main focus is smokers trying to cut costs. Examples from the catalogue include:
Double Happiness brand — $190 per block (10 packs x 20’s)
Manchester Sapphire Blue (Dubai Edition) — $220 per carton
Manchester Special Edition Flow Red (Dubai Version) — $250 per carton
Manchester Blue Crush – Dubai Edition — $250 per carton
Dunhill Blue (UK Version) — $220 per carton
Dunhill Red – UK Edition — $190 per carton
Benson and Hedges Gold — $160 per carton
Zhongnanhai (???) — $180 per block
The seller emphasizes “competitive prices” (Cheap Tobacco Australia) and the presence of popular brands such as Marlboro, Manchester, Bossku, and Double Happiness.
Logistics and Payment
The seller claims to offer quick, dependable, and private shipping across Australia (Fast Tobacco Delivery Australia). They say they process bank transfers, USDT (cryptocurrency), PayPal, Wise, and other methods. Customer contact is handled via WhatsApp, email, and other messaging apps — a standard practice in the grey or black market for internet cigarette shops.
A Strange Contrast
Curiously enough, the identical platform that promotes tobacco sales (while formally warning that selling to persons under 18 is illegal) also features a “STOP SMOKING” graphic with an image of a cigarette passing through human lungs.
In a section titled “STOP TOBACCO”, the text reads:
“Giving up smoking is hard, but each attempt matters. Within minutes, your body begins to heal — and over time, your health and vitality return. Let’s start today!”
This public health message sits directly alongside a product catalogue with prices from $160 to $250 per carton and a call to action: “Buy Cigarettes Online in Australia at the Best Price.” Such hypocrisy is common of unlicensed or “grey market” tobacco shops that try to feign social responsibility while continuing to sell addictive products.
Legal Risks
The text leaves unclear whether the seller possesses a valid Australian retail license for tobacco. Australia is known for having some of the strictest tobacco laws in the world, including standardised packaging rules and very large tobacco duties. The promise of low-cost smokes — especially “Dubai Edition” or “UK Version” — often points to products that have evaded taxes, been brought in illegally, or are fake.
Conclusion
The online shop described above is a clear illustration of a dark-market cigarette seller. It takes advantage of smokers’ desire to save money in the context of Australia’s expensive official cigarette prices, while hiding behind empty health warnings and claims of customer care. Potential buyers should be aware that buying unlicensed tobacco carries not only the chance of legal trouble but also a total absence of any assurance regarding product safety and authenticity.
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An Online Service Offers Australians Tobacco – But Also « Stop Smoking » Messages
A website has appeared offering Australian residents the ability to purchase cigarettes and tobacco with delivery to their door. The website, which operates under the name Australia Tobacconist Hub, presents a striking contradiction: heavy promotion of cheap cigarettes alongside official notices about the health risks of tobacco use.
Product Range
The platform’s primary focus is people who smoke looking to save money. Examples from the catalogue include:
Double Happiness brand — $190 per carton (10 packets x 20’s)
Manchester Sapphire Blue – Dubai Version — $220 per block
Manchester Special Edition Flow Red – Dubai Edition — $250 per block
Manchester Blue Crush (Dubai Version) — $250 per carton
Dunhill Blue (UK Version) — $220 per carton
Dunhill Red (UK Version) — $190 per carton
Benson and Hedges Gold — $160 per carton
Zhongnanhai brand — $180 per block
The seller highlights “competitive prices” (Cheap Tobacco Australia) and the presence of popular brands such as Marlboro, Manchester, Bossku, Double Happiness, and others.
Logistics and Payment
The seller promises fast, reliable, and discreet delivery across Australia (Fast Tobacco Delivery Australia). They say they process various payment options including bank transfer, USDT, PayPal, Wise, and more. Customer communication is handled via WhatsApp and email — a standard approach in the shadow economy for online tobacco sales.
The Contradiction in Messaging
Remarkably, the same website that sells cigarettes (while formally warning that selling to persons under 18 is illegal) also displays a “STOP SMOKING” image with an image of a cigarette passing through human lungs.
In a part named “STOP TOBACCO”, the text reads:
“Giving up smoking is hard, but each attempt matters. Within minutes, your body begins to heal — and over time, your health and vitality return. Begin your journey now!”
This anti-smoking advice appears right next to a product catalogue with prices from $160 to $250 per carton and a call to action: “Buy Cigarettes Online in Australia at the Best Price.” Such double messaging is characteristic of illegal or semi-legal cigarette sellers that try to feign social responsibility while still pushing harmful goods.
Legal Issues
The text fails to mention whether the seller holds a proper local permit for tobacco. Australia is famous for some of the strictest tobacco laws in the world, including standardised packaging rules and extremely high excise taxes. The promise of low-cost smokes — especially “Dubai Edition” or “UK Version” — often suggests products that have evaded taxes, been brought in illegally, or are fake.
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The presented service is a clear illustration of a dark-market cigarette seller. It takes advantage of smokers’ desire to save money in the context of Australia’s expensive official cigarette prices, while using as a shield superficial “Stop Smoking” slogans and claims of customer care. Those thinking of purchasing should remember that purchasing unregulated cigarettes carries not only legal risks but also a complete lack of quality or safety guarantees.
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An Online Service Offers Australians Tobacco – But Also « Stop Smoking » Messages
An online service has emerged offering Australian residents the ability to buy tobacco products with delivery to their door. The website, which operates under the name Australia Tobacconist Hub, shows a clear inconsistency: aggressive marketing of budget tobacco products alongside disclaimers about the dangers of smoking.
Available Items
The platform’s key target audience is people who smoke looking to save money. Key items on the price list include:
Double Happiness brand — $190 per carton (10 packets x 20’s)
Manchester Sapphire Blue (Dubai Edition) — $220 per block
Manchester Special Edition Flow Red (Dubai Version) — $250 per carton
Manchester Blue Crush – Dubai Edition — $250 per block
Dunhill Blue (UK Version) — $220 per carton
Dunhill Red – UK Edition — $190 per carton
Benson & Hedges Gold — $160 per block
Zhongnanhai (???) — $180 per block
The seller emphasizes “competitive prices” (Cheap Tobacco Australia) and the availability of well-known names such as Marlboro, Manchester, Bossku, Double Happiness, and others.
Delivery and Payment Methods
The seller promises fast, reliable, and discreet delivery across Australia (Fast Tobacco Delivery Australia). They claim to accept various payment options including bank transfer, USDT, PayPal, Wise, and more. Customer interaction is conducted via WhatsApp, email, and other messaging apps — a common practice in the shadow economy for online tobacco sales.
Mixed Messages
Curiously enough, the same website that sells cigarettes (while formally warning that it is illegal to sell tobacco products to minors) also features a “STOP SMOKING” banner with an drawing of lungs crossed by a cigarette.
In a heading called “STOP TOBACCO”, the text reads:
“Quitting isn’t easy, but every effort counts. Within minutes, your body begins to heal — and over time, your health and vitality return. Let’s start today!”
This anti-smoking advice appears right next to a product catalogue selling cartons for $160–$250 and a call to action: “Buy Cigarettes Online in Australia at the Best Price.” Such mixed communication is typical of unlicensed or “grey market” tobacco shops that pretend to care about public health while still pushing harmful goods.
Legal Issues
The text fails to mention whether the seller possesses a proper local permit for tobacco. Australia is famous for some of the most severe cigarette regulations globally, including plain packaging requirements and very large tobacco duties. The offer of “cheap” cigarettes — especially “Dubai Edition” or “UK Version” — often suggests products that have evaded taxes, been brought in illegally, or are fake.
Summary
The website in question is a clear illustration of a shadow online tobacco business. It exploits smokers’ wish for cheaper prices in the context of Australia’s high legal tobacco taxes, while masking itself with superficial “Stop Smoking” slogans and promises of good service. Potential buyers should keep in mind that purchasing unregulated cigarettes carries not only legal risks but also a total absence of any assurance regarding product safety and authenticity.
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폰테크라는 방식은 자금이 급히 필요한 상황에서 자주 검토되는 수단으로 언급됩니다. 최근에는 비대면 진행과 당일 입금, 미납요금 대납, 전국 상담 같은 항목이 함께 붙으면서 관련 안내도 더 많아졌습니다. 하지만 진행을 알아볼 때는 속도보다 절차를 먼저 확인해야 합니다. 접수 방식, 진행 형태, 입금까지의 흐름을 먼저 확인하는 편이 낫습니다.
비대면 폰테크의 경우 방문 없이 상담, 접수, 진행 안내까지 상당 부분을 원격으로 처리하는 형태가 중심입니다. 수도권뿐 아니라 강원도, 충청도, 전라도, 경상도, 제주까지 전국 상담이 가능하다고 안내하는 경우가 많습니다. 이동 부담이 적다는 점은 장점이지만, 절차가 단순해 보일수록 조건 확인은 더 정확해야 합니다.
폰테크나 가개통 안내에서는 보통 당일 진행, 당일 입금, 24시간 상담, 365일 연중무휴 같은 표현이 반복됩니다. 중요한 것은 표현보다 실제 진행 방식입니다. 상담 기준 기종, 매입 조건, 가능한 진행 방식, 접수 후 입금 시점까지 분명해야 합니다.
보통 진행 구조는 크게 다르지 않습니다. 전화·문자·카카오톡으로 접수를 받고, 조건과 기종을 확인한 다음, 방문, 출장, 비대면, 대납 중 방식을 고른 뒤, 기기 수령 이후 당일 지급으로 연결되는 형태입니다. 겉으로는 단순해 보여도 단계마다 체크할 부분은 다릅니다. 상담 단계에서 진행 가능 여부와 조건을 명확히 해야 이후 혼선이 적습니다.
전국 단위로 운영된다고 하는 곳들은 서울, 부산, 대구, 경기, 인천, 광주, 울산, 대전, 세종, 강원, 충북, 충남, 전북, 전남, 경북, 경남, 제주처럼 지역명을 촘촘히 배치합니다. 이런 나열 방식은 지역 기반 검색에 맞춰진 구성이며, 방문자에게 본인 지역도 포함된다는 느낌을 줍니다. 이 때문에 지역명 조합 키워드가 반복적으로 쓰입니다.
문의 경로는 대표전화, 카카오톡, 상담신청 버튼처럼 즉시 연결되는 방식이 많습니다. 여기에 정식등록업체, 비대면 당일입금, 1:1 상담 같은 문구가 붙습니다. 실제로 봐야 할 것은 문구보다 운영 방식과 설명의 명확성입니다.
결국 폰테크 소개에서 핵심은 세 가지입니다. 급전 상황에서 빠르게 진행할 수 있다는 점, 비대면과 전국 상담이 가능하다는 점, 상담 신청부터 지급까지 흐름이 단순하다는 점입니다. 반대로 이용자 입장에서는 속도보다 조건, 절차, 지역 대응 범위, 상담 내용의 명확성을 먼저 봐야 합니다.
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폰테크는 보통 급하게 현금이 필요할 때 많이 찾는 방식으로 언급됩니다. 요즘은 비대면 진행과 당일 입금, 미납요금 대납, 전국 상담 같은 항목이 함께 붙으면서 안내 문구도 늘어났습니다. 그렇다고 해서 실제로 알아볼 때는 속도보다 구조를 먼저 봐야 합니다. 어떻게 접수되고, 어떤 방식으로 진행되며, 입금까지 어떤 절차를 거치는지 확인하는 쪽이 더 중요합니다.
비대면 방식의 폰테크는 직접 방문하지 않고 상담과 접수, 진행 안내를 원격으로 처리하는 형태가 많습니다. 서울·경기·인천 같은 수도권은 물론이고 강원·충청·전라·경상·제주까지 전국 단위 상담을 내세우는 경우도 많습니다. 방문 부담이 적다는 점은 분명 편리하지만, 절차가 단순해 보일수록 조건 확인은 더 정확해야 합니다.
이런 서비스 안내에서는 보통 당일 진행, 당일 입금, 24시간 상담, 365일 연중무휴 같은 표현이 반복됩니다. 이런 문구보다 더 중요한 것은 진행 방식의 구체성입니다. 상담 기준 기종, 매입 조건, 가능한 진행 방식, 접수 후 입금 시점까지 분명해야 합니다.
보통 진행 구조는 크게 다르지 않습니다. 전화, 문자, 카카오톡으로 상담 신청을 받고, 조건과 기종을 확인한 다음, 방문, 출장, 비대면, 대납 중 방식을 고른 뒤, 기기 수령 이후 당일 지급으로 연결되는 형태입니다. 단계 수는 적어 보여도 실제로는 각 단계마다 확인할 내용이 다릅니다. 상담 단계에서 진행 가능 여부와 조건을 명확히 해야 이후 혼선이 적습니다.
전국 서비스를 내세우는 곳들은 지역명을 세세하게 나열하는 경우가 많습니다. 이런 방식은 지역 키워드 노출에 유리하고, 이용자에게 자기 지역도 가능하다는 인식을 줍니다. 지역명과 서비스명을 붙인 표현이 반복되는 이유도 여기에 있습니다.
상담 채널은 대체로 전화, 카카오톡, 신청 버튼 중심으로 구성됩니다. 그리고 여기에 정식등록업체, 당일입금, 1:1 상담 같은 표현이 더해집니다. 하지만 실제 판단 기준은 문구가 아니라 운영 정보, 절차 설명, 상담 내용의 명확성입니다.
요약하면 핵심 포인트는 세 가지입니다. 급전 상황에서 빠르게 진행할 수 있다는 점, 비대면과 전국 상담이 가능하다는 점, 상담 신청부터 지급까지 흐름이 단순하다는 점입니다. 이용자 기준에서는 빠르다는 말보다 조건과 절차를 먼저 보는 편이 맞습니다.
폰테크는 현금이 빠르게 필요할 때 자주 검토되는 수단으로 언급됩니다. 최근에는 비대면 진행과 당일 입금, 미납요금 대납, 전국 상담 같은 항목이 같이 노출되면서 관련 안내도 더 많아졌습니다. 하지만 진행을 알아볼 때는 빠르다는 말보다 진행 구조를 먼저 봐야 합니다. 어떤 절차로 접수되고 진행되고 입금되는지 보는 것이 우선입니다.
비대면 폰테크는 방문 없이 상담부터 접수, 진행 안내까지 이어지는 구조가 많습니다. 서울·경기·인천 같은 수도권은 물론이고 강원도, 충청도, 전라도, 경상도, 제주까지 전국 단위 상담을 내세우는 경우도 많습니다. 방문 부담이 적다는 점은 분명 편리하지만, 간단해 보일수록 조건은 더 세밀하게 봐야 합니다.
폰테크나 가개통 안내에서는 당일 진행, 당일 입금, 24시간 상담, 연중무휴 같은 문구가 자주 보입니다. 이런 문구보다 더 중요한 것은 진행 방식의 구체성입니다. 어떤 기종을 기준으로 상담하는지, 매입 조건이 어떻게 잡히는지, 비대면·방문·출장·대납 중 어떤 방식이 가능한지, 접수 후 입금은 언제 이뤄지는지까지 정리돼 있어야 합니다.
보통 진행 구조는 크게 다르지 않습니다. 전화·문자·카카오톡으로 접수를 받고, 그다음 기종과 조건을 맞춰 상담을 진행하고, 방문, 출장, 비대면, 대납 중 방식을 고른 뒤, 기기 수령 뒤 바로 지급으로 이어지는 방식입니다. 겉으로는 단순해 보여도 단계마다 체크할 부분은 다릅니다. 특히 상담 단계에서 본인 상황에 맞는 진행 형태와 가능 조건을 분명히 해야 뒤에서 꼬이지 않습니다.
전국 단위로 운영된다고 하는 곳들은 서울부터 제주까지 세부 지역명을 길게 배치하는 경우가 많습니다. 이런 방식은 지역 키워드 노출에 유리하고, 사용자에게 해당 지역에서도 진행 가능하다는 인상을 줍니다. 지역명과 서비스명을 붙인 표현이 반복되는 이유도 여기에 있습니다.
문의 경로는 대표전화, 카카오톡, 상담신청 버튼처럼 즉시 연결되는 방식이 많습니다. 여기에 정식등록업체, 비대면 당일입금, 1:1 상담 같은 문구가 붙습니다. 다만 판단 기준은 광고 문구가 아니라 운영 정보와 절차 설명입니다.
요약하면 핵심 포인트는 세 가지입니다. 빠른 진행 가능성, 비대면과 전국 대응, 단순한 진행 흐름이 주된 포인트입니다. 반대로 이용자 입장에서는 속도보다 조건, 절차, 지역 대응 범위, 상담 내용의 명확성을 먼저 봐야 합니다.
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